4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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