Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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