k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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