How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
