So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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