positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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