im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
