Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
