the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
