I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
