I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
