That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize