Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
