the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
