Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
