Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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