If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
