..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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