Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We're too hungover to prance.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
