they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
