I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will be naked everywhere
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
