Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize