Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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