whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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