I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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