He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
