dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
