at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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