It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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