Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize