My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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