Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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