I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
