I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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