Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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