Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think your dad took our porno
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
