i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
