just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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