Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize