so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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