Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think i got beer on your cat.
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