Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
