the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
