this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
