This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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