We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
