i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
