I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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