just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
