if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
