I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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