My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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