when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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