One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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