Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
