its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
