Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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