I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize