playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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