it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
